Who Looks Better in a Dress
by Eira Lloyd
Summary: Eira, once again, hosts a competition of who looks better in a dress. This time, the contestants are the Knights of the Round Table, and the not-quite-impartial judge is Koryn. Add a musical number performed by the Knights, and Merlin and Gwen recording and taking pictures of the whole thing, and you've got the second episode of Who Looks Better in a Dress. One-shot.


**A/N: This is a sort of sequel to my precious fanfic "Biased" even though: 1) This is part of my Koryn's Responsible For This series; 2) You can read one without the other and still understand most of it. Sorry if it's OOC or anything. I hope you like it! (Also, I don't own the song — all credits go to Monty Python who are simply amazing).**

 **Who Looks Better in a Dress.**

"Welcome to the contest _Who Looks Better in a Dress._ " Eira sighed. "We still need a better name," she added loudly, and then mumbled to herself, "I can't believe I'm doing this again." It was a good thing this show would be slightly different than the last one — where the oh-so-impartial judge had crowned Morgana the winner without even _glancing_ at the other contestants — and would be far more amusing, otherwise Eira wouldn't even have _agreed_ to hosting another episode of this improvised show. "Before I announce the contestants," she spoke up again, for the benefit of the audience this time, "I would like to give a special mention to our first-and-one-time judge Alex — who, as you can see, is not here—, and introduce our _new_ judge: Koryn Lloyd."

 _She's probably as biased as Alex is,_ she thought, but didn't say a word. They'd all figure it out for themselves.

As soon as her name was spoken, Koryn walked onto the stage and grinned at the cast of regular characters of BBC's _Merlin_ that was acting as the resident public for the time being. "Hey, s'up? It's nice being here, blah, blah, blah. So, when are we starting?" she asked, grinning. She clearly couldn't wait to see the contestants all dressed up in medieval dresses. She had a special, malicious glint in her brown eyes, for she knew who the contestants would be.

Oh, the public would be surprised, that's for sure.

"You have to sit down first, and I have to introduce a few more people and announce the prize. We went over this during rehearsal, remember?" Eira asked her friend. Yes, this episode had needed a rehearsal, unlike the last one. It would soon become clear to the audience why it had been necessary.

"Oh, right." The brunette sat down on the Judge-y chair and waited not-so-patiently.

"Right, so, moving on. This time, our official cameraman will be Merlin, who volunteered for this — I'm pretty sure it was because of a sweet desire for revenge, but never mind that. Our official photographer will be Guinevere, as Morgana is too busy plotting to overthrow Camelot, _again_." Eira sighed. "She's very persistent, you've got to give her that. The winner will get recently-cooked pancakes — American pancakes, mind you, not British ones — made by my friend Christine. The others will get... Well, nothing, other than their picture framed if they want to, though I highly doubt they want that." She chuckled. "Anyway, let's begin."

"Finally!" Koryn exclaimed, grinning.

"Ladies, gentlemen, druids, warlocks, witches, dragonlords, dragons — yes, Kilgharrah, I can see you in the back, you're really not as sneaky as you think you are — and whatever it is you call yourself, welcome our contestants — the Knights of the Round Table!" Was the public surprised? Hell yes. Still, after recovering their initial shock, they applauded, with Koryn the probably-not-impartial judge clapping louder than anybody else. "First off, please welcome Sir Lancelot!"

The knight was wearing a black and dark blue dress, which had a medieval gothic style to it. He walked uncomfortably, probably thinking _What did I do to deserve this?_ The rest of the knights backstage were probably thinking the same, and that simple fact made Koryn and Eira exchange mischievous smiles.

Ah yes, hosting this ridiculous show again was definitely worth it.

"Next?" Koryn asked, and Eira obliged.

"Next, we've got Sir Gwaine!" That made Koryn grin even wider — Eira had no idea that was possible — and the knight walked towards the centre of the stage, where he stood next to Lancelot. He wore a long light green dress with golden touches, and while he also seemed uncomfortable, he was grinning, and using the applauses to fuel his ego.

"You know, he doesn't actually look _that_ bad..." Koryn commented, praising her favourite knight. Eira rolled her eyes.

"I knew it! You're as biased as Alex."

"Am not! He proclaimed Morgana as the winner when the contestants weren't even on stage yet!" Koryn protested.

"Whatever. You're still biased, though. I'm, like, ninety percent certain we can't have an episode of this without having a biased judge," Eira commented, unofficially pausing the show and making the only two contestants on stage even _more_ uncomfortable.

"This is _literally_ your second episode," Koryn reminded her.

"Your point?"

"Ehem." Lancelot cleared his throat.

"Oh, right. Show must go on and all that. Sorry," Eira apologised and returned to her duties as host. "Anyway, next is Sir Elyan, brother of our lovely official photographer." The knight walked on stage, wearing a simple wine red gown. The little details it had were a lighter red, almost pink. He was, of course, as uncomfortable as the rest of the knights, especially considering his sister was taking even more pictures of him than the rest of the knights.

Lovely.

"And now, please welcome Sir Percival." The knight in question wore a simple light blue gown, with the details in an interesting pattern — in an even lighter blue — and small lacing on front. He received more applauses than anyone else, and Eira assumed that, by now, the public had become used to the fact that they would see their beloved heroes — or enemies — walk on stage wearing fancy medieval dresses. Koryn and Eira shared another mischievous smile.

"I want those pictures to post them on Instagram," Koryn decided. "Can we post the video on Youtube too? It'd be awesome."

"Ehm, I'm not sure the contract allows it, but we'll go over it with our lawyers if you want," Eira replied.

"Okay." She paused, then frowned, remembering something. "Um, Eira?"

"Yes?"

"We don't have any lawyers."

Time for Eira to be quiet for a minute. "... Oops?" Before Koryn could reply, she decided to go on with the show. "Next, we have Sir Mordred — yes, we know he was excommunicated, but none of the other knights argued. In fact, they were very keen on having him participate in this contest. I wonder why," she added, faking an innocent tone. Mordred made his way through the stage to stand next to Percival, wearing a long black gown, with a golden lace elegantly tied over his torso. The former Knight of the Round Table glared at _everyone_ — contestant, host, judge and public alike — and if looks could kill, they would all be dead save for him. Oh, him and Kara, who was standing somewhere in the back, glaring at the rest of the knights on the stage, but grinning at her boyfriend — or whatever word they used for their partners back in their time. Merlin was grinning widely, and mumbled something in Guinevere's ear. The maidservant-turned-Queen snapped more pictures of him than necessary.

Ah, so much blackmail material.

"Now, welcome Sir Leon, who apparently has won the title of That One Knight Who Never Dies Yet Wasn't Even Important In The Original Legends." Eira blinked. "Blimey, that's a long title. Sir Leon was also a contestant in our last episode of this show. Leon, tell us, how does it feel to be part of our lovely show once again?"

Leon was apparently torn between telling them the truth or being polite. He decided to take a more diplomatic approach while remaining truthful to some extent. "I did not expect to be in such a situation once more," he admitted, trying to ignore the fact that he was wearing a purple gown with golden laces to add more details and decoration and an overall fancy feeling to his dress. It was different than the one Gwen had used to smuggle him out of Camelot when Morgana first took over — which also happened to be the one he wore when he was a contestant in this show last time — and being stuck in a dress for the third time did not please him at all.

Eira chuckled. "I'm sure. Last time you ended up second because you look, and I quote, 'fab in a dress'. Do you feel like you have a shot at winning the first place this time?" she asked, knowing full well he wouldn't, because of their not-really-impartial new judge.

"... No comment?" Leon attempted. Eira — for once — decided not to torture him for much longer, and nodded, moving away from him and back to the front part of the stage.

"And now, last but not least, the one person you _never_ expected to see wearing a dress." She chuckled, and Koryn was ready to burst out laughing, but she decided to wait until the last contestant appeared on stage. "This is the best knight in all the five Kingdoms, Slayer of the Unicorn, his father's ghost, and a bunch of other unimportant creatures, since the main ones have always — or, at least, mostly — been defeated by Merlin. Please, welcome Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, and — some people say — the Once and Future King of Albion!"

He definitely received more applauses than anybody else.

The King of Camelot wore a long red gown, very fancy and shiny, with so many golden touches it was a dress fit for a Queen — or, well, in this case, a King. He was sulking and glaring at everyone, less than pleased with both his introduction and the attire he was wearing, except he couldn't pull off Mordred's terrifyingly threatening look — that didn't quite look the same with him wearing a dress. Merlin, of course, remembered how Arthur had taunted him when he had been a contestant in the first episode, and, grinning, whispered some other words in Guinevere's ear. The Queen proceeded to take as many pictures as possible, even more than she had of Mordred or her brother.

Eira rolled her eyes at the unhappy lot. "Oh, come on. Cheer up. You don't actually look _that_ bad wearing dresses. Now, before our lovely judge here decides who looks better in a dress..." She paused, noticing she'd accidentally said the name of the show. "Roll credits." She received confused looks from the people who had never watched CinemaSins — meaning everyone except Koryn — and continued, "The Knights of the Round Table have prepared a lovely routine for us, performing a song that is either called The Knights of the Round Table, or The Camelot Song. Take your pick. You can thank Monty Python for the magnificent song, of course."

With that, the brunette left the stage, and went to sit on a chair next to Koryn's. This was going to be fun. (It was also the reason why this episode had needed a rehearsal beforehand, and it was definitely worth it — to everyone but the performers, at least.)

The music started, and soon enough, the Knights started singing and dancing — slightly unhappily, but hitting all the right notes, using all the right words and moves.

 _We're knights of the round table_  
 _We dance whenever we're able_  
 _We do routines and chorus scenes_  
 _With footwork impeccable_

 _We dine well here in Camelot_  
 _We eat ham and jam and spam a lot_

During the little instrumental break, the dance became even more ridiculous. The knights jumped on top of a long wooden table, and started bouncing from left to right, kicking towards the public, though hitting no one, as the stage was completely empty except for them.

 _We're knights of the round table_  
 _Our shows are formidable_  
 _But many times we're given rhymes_  
 _That are quite unsingable_

They jumped off the table and each knight started to do their own thing — twirling on themselves, crouching and doing weird dance moves from there and even weirder stuff.

 _We're opera mad in Camelot_  
 _We sing from the diaphragm a lot_

They jumped back on the table and started bouncing from one end to the other, kicking in front of them every now and then, though there was nothing to kick.

 _In war we're tough and able, quite indefatigable_  
 _Between our quests we sequin vests_  
 _And impersonate Clark Gable_  
 _It's a busy life in Camelot_

 _I have to push the pram a lot_

The last line was sung solely by Arthur — as opposed to the rest of the song, which was sung by all of them — and finished with all the knights crouching on the ground, with a magnificent instrumental finale. The applauses Arthur had received when walking on stage were nothing compared to the ones the knights got after finishing their musical number. Koryn and Eira were grinning, though it was nothing compared to the grin Merlin had on his face when he realised he had everything taped and ready to spread it to the rest of the world.

This was a nice revenge indeed.

The knights stood up and accommodated themselves in their former order as Eira stood up and returned to the stage. "Right. That was fun. You guys should do musicals more often, you know? Anyway, now that the lovely musical number is over, it is time for our judge Koryn to deci—"

Of course, her friend interrupted her immediately. "Gwaine. There's no contest, really. I knew that since you asked me to become the judge."

"I _knew_ you were biased. Merlin owes me ten quid now." Eira grinned. Before Koryn or Merlin could comment, she continued, "Now that the first place's sorted — congratulations, by the way," she added in Gwaine's direction. "Who wins second place, Koryn?"

"Huh. That's a tough one," the brunette commented, eyes analysing every knight carefully. "I'd say Arthur, but that would just inflate his already-enormous ego, and we don't want _that_ happening."

"Yes, but Jace's ego's still bigger," Eira commented, using a reply that was usually reserved for when one of them said "Ego, much?", but the brunette figured it fit the situation anyway. Both of them laughed, before returning to the topic at hand.

"I'd have to say Leon," Koryn decided. Before Eira could ask about the rest, she added, "Third would be Mordred. Fourth would be Arthur." The blond made a complaint, which sounded something llke 'How can _Mordred_ look better in a dress than _me_?!' but everyone simply ignored him and Koryn continued, "Fifth — Percival. Sixth — Elyan. Seventh — Lancelot. There. Ranking's complete. Can I get a pic with the contestants now?" she asked, grinning.

"Sure, come on stage."

After several pictures — one with Koryn and Gwaine, one with Koryn and all the knights, one with Eira and all the knights, and one with Koryn, Eira, and all the knights — Koryn returned to her seat, and Eira left the stage, appearing seconds after with a plate of delicious American pancakes that had just been made. Gwaine, being the winner of the contest, ate the pancakes on his own, and the rest got their own personal picture of them wearing a dress, framed and all — a small reminder of their participation in the contest.

And then it was Eira's turn to say the last words that marked the end of the episode. "We've come to the end of the second _Who Looks Better in a Dress_. If you have a better name for this show, please tell us, because it's getting ridiculous. Thank you for watching, I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I'll see you in the next Koryn's Responsible for This!"


End file.
